“Today I Chose Freedom Over Slavery”

As mentioned in a previous post I've been hanging out on a popular smoking cessation forum. I think I'm making some friends and I know I've made some enemies. There are people who insist on believing that quitting smoking is as painful as water-boarding and do not want that sacred belief shattered. I came across a post the other day that moved me to the point of asking the author (my new friend Maggie!) if she'd mind if I shared it on my blog. Maggie was kind enough to agree and I think she does a wonderful job of illustrating the internal conflict that can take place between "the myth" and the logic that tells us that it's really not all that tough to quit smoking. I hope you enjoy her inspiring story.

Today I Chose Freedom Over Slavery

Here I am into week 3. What a journey! What a learning experience! Week 1 was relatively easy---I was so excited about my quit. Then week 2 was my "hell week."

 

Then yesterday was "interesting." I felt good about my quit---I mean really good & grateful & free---as if I'd turned a corner. A friend on the Forum reminded me to keep watchful because I'm still addicted to nicotine. Later I went out to a movie & toward the end of the film (no smokers in the film) I felt this "yen" for a cig. It sort of nagged at me. I did the deep breathing, reminded myself of all that I've read, etc. It passed & it returned. Again & again.

On the drive home, I passed many places where I bought cigs only weeks ago & I even had to stop for gas where of course they sell cigs. The yen got pretty strong. Crazy thoughts like "I could smoke thru the weekend & then begin a new quit on Monday." I kept replacing these thoughts with: "A desire is not a need," "You can choose freedom over slavery."

 

Later, sitting on my lanai with my chamomile tea, I reflected that this yen, strong as it felt, was so different from the old compulsion which shut my brain down & drove me to buy more cigs. My brain actually functioned & reminded me---no, I reminded myself---of the fact that I've made a choice (Carr calls it a vow) & that today I choose freedom over slavery. This was not really an overwhelming urge to smoke but it was strong. I'm trying to say it was hugely different from my former compulsions. All the readings, especially Carr & quitsmokingonline.com, fill me with knowledge & knowledge is power. All the quit testimonials on the Forum fill me with hope & courage. And lots of prayer & gratitude are bringing peace & joy.

 

I was relaxed as I beheld the beautiful night sky---the moon & the stars. It seemed as if they all were thanking me for not polluting their space with smoke. I never before reflected on the fact that my smoking was polluting God's beautiful earth.

Thanks---I can't say thank you too often---to all who have reached out to me. This is a chain of grace that grows stronger every day."

 

Thank you again, Maggie, for allowing me to share your poetic post.